This was not the post I sat down to write. But “the date” is coming and I cannot stop thinking about it. I’ve been conscious of it since the calendar flipped the page to read June.
The day I lost my dad.
It’s no secret that losing my father has been the single most traumatic shift in my life. I’ve torn my soul open and written about the day I lost him before (Daddy’s Girl), and I don’t need to do that again. Not a day goes by that I don’t see his smiling face looking at me from a picture, or hear his name spoken within the walls of my home. There is no doubt that he was loved, and we miss him. Today, it’s been 156 weeks. 3 years. I know exactly how I spent this day – the last day I would spend with him. Right down to the minute. The number on the calendar isn’t the same – that’ll be on Tuesday. But I don’t look at 4:27pm on a Friday and not know exactly where I was and what I was doing, all those weeks ago.
But this year it feels different. I hurt, but I don’t feel so alone in my life. I don’t feel so adrift in the world, my girls and I on a small raft by ourselves in the middle of the ocean. I have friends. Amazing friends. Women that GET ME. My insanity. My silliness. They make me laugh with their crazy antics, drink with me, listen to me, support me, encourage me, let me cry in the middle of bunco, share in my snarkiness, and keep me sane on the days that I am barely hanging on.
They are my tribe.
I love these women. They are all different and from different places and stages in their lives. Some live close and some don’t. Some are quiet and thoughtful, some are loud and brash. Every one of them is brilliant and fierce and amazing and I don’t quite know what I would do without them.
I hope they know how much they mean to me. How much I value their thoughts and opinions and life experiences. How in awe I am of every single one of them and their accomplishments. How humbled I am to stand next to them and call them my friends. And just how incredible I think they all are.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. There’s not enough hugs or wine or silly string in the world to properly show my appreciation for you and everything you’ve given to me.
And I know when the time comes around that I dread, I can call, text, tweet or Facebook any one of them and they will be there with whatever I need to get through the day.
Thanks girls. My daddy would have loved you all!